Crossroads. Passion. Creativity.

I'm at a crossroads. I'm really not happy with where my professional life is. Feelings of frustration invade me. Permeate me, even. Daily. I feel like I'm being silenced, or muted. Like my creativity is being stifled, and I mean...really? I'm a cashier. At a grocery store. Where would I put my creativity? On the belt, rolling along with the lettuce & wine? Or..how about on the back counter, in between the plastic and paper sacks? Because, I sure as hell am not allowed to SHOW my creativity in my hair and/or clothing. Yes, I can accessorize, and I do...but, it's not enough. I have creativity in my blood. I believe that everyone does, truth be told. Not everyone really expresses it in the traditional "creative outlets" that most people would think of when they hear those coined terms.

For instance, I think that computer programmers have an intense amount of creativity. I sure as hell cannot do what they do. It takes a VERY special person to be able to remember all those codes and what not.

But I digress. Letting my creativity run ahead of me.

I feel as if I, personally, have been attacked at work. Regarding my creativity. There is one person, in particular, that I know dislikes me. The feeling is greatly reciprocated, so there is no love lost. While I am well aware that it most likely is just my imagination, I really and truly can't help but wonder.

While I was in Germany I bleached my hair. Which...they would have let slide. Shoot. They have let it slide since. However, I also added hot pink into two separate strips, at the same time. I used to have pink in my hair, often, back before I worked at the store. It never lasted more than 2 days. So, imagine my surprise, when I couldn't get the pink out. After 3 weeks I was informed that if I did not get rid of the pink, I would be put on probation until the situation was remedied. I finally went at it with bleach. It did nothing, but turned parts of the surrounding hair white. That was hot. Nsm. I eventually had to dye them brown. Oh, and that cow that doesn't like me? She's the one that kept complaining about it. Really? Okay, you old hag. You'd really rock the pink hair.

There are people at work with purple in their black hair, and a blonde w/bright red, you get the picture.

Silencing moment #1.

I started wearing a black sweater to work. We, technically, are supposed to wear a white button down shirt underneath ANY solid colored sweater. Nobody does. Nobody. I, honestly, didn't even know that was an actual part of the dress code, until I was approached by a manager about my lack of button down, and asked them to show me the actual handbook w/said dress code. To this day, everyone else can wear a sweater w/out a white button down underneath. But not me.

Silencing moment #2.

Recently wore a red long sleeved v-neck shirt underneath my standard, company issued polo shirt (silencing moment #3 in and of itself, that dammed shirt). Was informed that I was not allowed to wear a red undershirt. It had to be a black, mock turtle neck that was, also, company issues. Fast forward over the next few weeks. I notice so many people wearing non company issued shirts. In all various colors. Just 2 days ago someone else was wearing a pink one, with a red heart on the chest.

Silencing moment #4 (technically lol)

And I don't take notice of these things, so that I can complain and get these other people in trouble. I take notice of these things, because it just seems unfair.

So my crossroads.

I want to do something different.

I want to do something that MAKES a difference.

I'm pretty sure that selling cans of coke, with bags of chips, along side of vegan food is not actually a part of the difference to which I am referring.

I want to be effective in lives.

I want to bring JOY into peoples lives, on a daily basis.

I want to help people create moments that will last a lifetime in their memory banks.

So what to do, what to do?

Do I pursue my dream of being an event coordinator? Go to school and get my BA in Hospitality, Travel & Tourism?

Or Do I finish my cake decorating courses and go with that?

Or, do I go on to cosmetology school?

Or.......do I just stick with the sensible, get my BA in Business Management, and continued to be suffocated?