A massive storm

I feel like I can almost understand the fear, panic, and sheer terror that one might feel as they prepare for a Category 4 Hurricane. How the New Orleans residents might have felt as they awaited the landfall of Katrina.

There is this ominous feeling as I wake every single day, floating closer and closer to the impending disaster that is his leaving. In a 2 weeks and some odd days, he will have to turn away from me, walk through doors that I will be restricted from, and away from me. He'll board the plane, and leave me in the jet wake. Tears will be streaming down my face, sobs will be choking my throat.

How do I know this? Because we did this, only in reverse, just a year ago. The utter desolation that filled my soul then was suffocating at best, after only 2 weeks together.

Now, we have to face being torn apart after 3 wonderful, amazing, dream-like, heavenly months together.

Part of me is disillusioned. How can the government possibly deem this okay? To force him to leave me? We are meant for one another. Truly. Soul mates. Which is a term that I used to scoff at. But that's what he is. He is my soul mate, my rock. He makes me believe in love, and everything good. His love helps me know that the world is not full of evil.

Another part of me feels hopeless. Long distance relationships are so very expensive. Especially when they are across 2 continents. There are only a few ways for us to communicate, and while I realize that not that long ago people had even fewer means of communication, that does nothing for me now. That was not my time, nor was it in my era. This is the generation that I am a part of, this is what I know. So yes, those from times before had it much harder, but when it's all you know.....that's all you know.

So, right now, I'm sullen. I'm somber. I'm frightened. I'm terrified. I'm panicked. I'm going to be alone. Totally alone. And I don't know how I'm going to handle this. I know I will survive. I will prevail. I will become so much stronger.

But right now? Right now, all I want to do is curl into a ball, and cry. And I want him to hold me.