Hodgepodge.

I've tossed around a few ideas about this blog. Where I want it to go, what I want it to be about, wrestled with a few different secondary posts to begin the "devised" future of my ramblings.

And then I realized...I haven't the slightest idea as to where I desire for this blog to go. Yes, I do hope to one day catch the eye of some reporter and stun them with my unparalleled wit and charm them with my oh-so-clever one liners, but I also realize that the chances of that are slim to none.

Most every one liner I've come up with, has undoubtedly been, not only thought of, but printed. And most likely more cleverly, to boot.

I've also come to grips with the fact that I cannot predetermine the course of this blog anymore than I can predetermine the course of my life.

At first I, rather obviously, wanted it to be filled with lamentations and the woes of the life of a

divorced woman. That was boring, and rather indulgent, truth be told. So then I thought .. maybe it can be the beginning of an Ebook on how to survive a Long Distance Relationship. But...that's been done. And...while I have lasted a year in mine, I honestly dont' know how to do it. It's a "sit down, buckle up, and hold on" type of a ride. Well worth the heart pounding twists and turns, thought.

Then I thought "Hmmmm maybe it can just be filled with nonsense and drivel." But...that's been done, as well. Then it hit me. Everything has been done, therefore this will be about whatever it wants to be about for that very moment.

So I apologize, dear reader, if You somehow stumbled across this blog by accident, hoping to find a miserable soul to commiserate with after an embittering divorce, or perhaps after googling "How to survive a long distance relationship.", or anything else you may google that could, quite possibly bring you to my leg of the land.

I do hope, however, that whatever brought you here, did it for good cause. Whether I be a ray of hope for someone out there, or a hearty chuckle for a saddened soul...I hope you have enjoyed your time here. Who knows...maybe google will bring us together again.

*kisses*

Here I go...

Time and again, I begin a blog with the thoughts: This ... this time I'll do it. This time.. this is it. It'll be my therapy. My quiet place. My refuge. My place of venting, of tearing people apart ... without actually tearing them apart. Yet..time and again, life overwhelms me like an out of control bougainvillea overtaking an old Spanish house.

Let's begin again with a refreshing rendition of an overly edited AA greeting.

Hi, I'm Jessica. I have 3 kids, a boyfriend who is 13,000 miles away, and ex husband who is not. Mom and Dad live over 3 hrs away. Friends are even more rare. Good friends are truly hard to find.

I became a single mom, and a divorcee all in one foul swoop. Oct. 2008 was the day that it was finalized. There have been so very many changes in my life. But most importantly is the strength that I've been blessed with. Through the support of my mom, my dad, my boyfriend, and a verrrry small handful of friends.

Last month I was in the middle of a rough string of working 13 days in a row, or some such madness. It was a Saturday night that I had closed the store, flew home, showered, and attempted to sleep a mere 5 hours before having to get my happy butt up and back to work by 6:30 the next morning.

I woke up that morning with some dull pain in my lower abdomen...right around my left ovary. Figured that I was ... ahem...you know. An hour into my shift, and I was doubled over in pain. Which..was weird. Not like me. I was sent home from work, seeing as I couldn't stand up and what not.

After four hours curled up and writhing in pain I finally called the aforementioned ex husband, and asked him to take me to the ER. He drove me, and dropped me off at the double doors.

I found out that I had four very large Fibroid Tumors on my uterus. I was also informed that I had to have a hysterectomy.

Thus the birth of this blog.

Ironic, eh?