Baaaad Mama.

I'm here. Wherever here is. Living in my moments of insanity, wrapped up in some beautiful visions of sun laden beaches.

Then I realize "Oh shit. I'm at work. What did that guy say? What did that customer need?"

dammit.

Well. On a plus side...boyfriend will be here in 51 short days. He'll be here for 89 even shorter days. Oh how the time will fly.

But that's okay. :) Because I'm going to wake up in his arms for 89 mornings in a ROW!!! wow. I'm pretty sure that I can't quite wrap my brain around this.

...


Today was my daughter's 5th birthday. I'm completely astounded by the beautiful little lady she is turning into. She is my squishy little stinkerbell and a diva to boot. :)


And I really need to go to bed. ha ha.

Friends. Real. Friends.

I have a few of them. Very few. But they are great.

Sometimes I forget about them. Cause they are down in Cali, or up in Washington.
Just...not a part of my every day life.
And I"ll try, and try and try to form friendships with people here, but holy shit. People are just ... odd. Not all of them, I'm sure. But the ones I have met, are SOOOOO exclusive. You'd think that I just walked into a specific zip code ending in 210 for craps sake. It's like "Uhhh muhh gawwwd. You're not from here. So I can't really become BFF'S with you."

First off. I don't want to marry any of you here. I don't want to swap spit, or blood, or any other bodily fluid. Really. I just...want....a friend.

Someone to go shopping with me, or grab margarita's at happy hour. Someone who will call me out of the blue and just say "Hey! Wanna hang??" Or someone who will not let me sit around on my ass when I'm depressed.

I want to have a group of friends to go bowling with, girls' night out. Whatever.

But no. People are so damned stuck up here.

Soooo sick.

I have been SO sick this week, and it royally sucks. I have no more sick leave at work. I have missed 2 days thus far. If I don't go to work tomorrow, I have to bring in a Dr's note. Which sucks. I have a really bad ear infection in my left ear. The beginning of an ear infection in my right ear. A viral sinus infection (?? never heard of those), annd I've been sporting a nifty fever averaging 101.5.

That said....good news alert! Good news alert!!

But I can't share it yet. I don't want to jinx it. So I will continue to burst at the seams and hope it comes to pass. :)


I'm a tease. :P I know.

I've been trying to create these purses, out of left over material, etc. However, my stupid bobbin keeps jamming up and creating a stupid bird's nest after 2 stitches. I've taken it apart, cleaned it, to no avail. I don't know what to do.


le sigh. I can't wait to tell you all what's going on! You all. haha. like I have Soooo many readers. I'm lame.

Träume ich?

Seriously, I have to wonder if I am dreaming. It's 2 1/2 months until my heart, which hasn't been whole since June...will be in one beautiful, glorious piece again.

2 1/2 months until my arms will no longer be empty, my smile will be permanently etched on my face.

2 1/2 months until my love is here.

Wwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

An addendum to a previous post...

So, a few posts ago, I mentioned that old cow hag at work. Well turns out ... she's been cool to me. Must have taken her meds more regularly. But, I forgot about the skeezed out trash that I also work with. One we'll call...um. Trash. that seems fitting.

She's a bitch and a half. Talks down to everyone, very demeaning, condescending. Just...unhappy. Really. Most days that I know I have to work with her I get so stressed out, so disgustingly stressed that I have, in fact, been known to cry. Not that that really says much about how horrible she is. I cry over everything.

Bad hair day? Yep. Shed tears over that.
Boyfriend says something sweet? Rivers. Out muh eyes.
Not able to open a jar? Who hasn't?
Ex husband being an ass? That's familiar territory.

The list goes on and on. But this one particular person has made me cry while ON the floor (meaning on the clock), in front of other employees. .... And customers.

Bitch.

Come to find out, it's not just me. There are *several* people who have filed complaints about her. And ... I know that Karma is a bitch... but it would be nice to not have to work with her anymore.

Juss sayin.

day 1

Today was my first FULL day of no sugar. And I did it. So proud of me!
I made healthy decisions, and yeah. Just really proud of me. :)

And...on to other things: My boyfriend.
he's great.
I talk about him a lot. That won't change. It may ebb & flow, but this blog will forever have something about him in it. Unless....actually I have a feeling that my blogs in general will become FAR more sporadic in just 2 1/2 months.

Anyone wanna guess why? :P

30 days.

But wait. Wha??? Your counter says 2 months and some odd days. Which is true. So true. so exciting. :) I have a friend who is CONVINCED we will get married while he's here. And While I would LOVE LOVE LOVE it if that were to happen, truth is, we know it's not gonna happen that way. Hard as the goodbye will be, the hello EVERY MORNING FOR THREE WHOLE MONTHS will be SO wonderful!!!

So...30 days. It's another counter, of sorts.

See. I don't like how I look. Even when I half close my eyes, tilt my head jjjuuuuussst so, and turn the lights off. I still don't like it. Granted, I had 3 kids in 3 years. That's gonna do one helluva number on my body. So ... I'm working towards erasing those numbers. Reversing them, if you will.

A friend of mine, sweet sweet girl that she is, she and I are doing a 30 day challenge. It's going to be so damn hard, but SOOOOO worth it in the long run. They say (don't ask me who they are. I don't know. Just them. The powers that be. Those who are the theys of all articles, studies, and everything intelligent. Those theys)...They say that it only takes 21 days (I think that is what it was) for a new habit to be created. Or an old one to be broken.

I'm breaking my habit of eating sugar. Cookies, doughnuts, soda (pop to some), chocolate (lawd that will be the toughie). No more. Goodbye sugar. Hopefully someday I'll be able to meet you again. Not in a dark alley, hidden and surrounded by guilt and shame of my forbidden love affair with you. But proudly, openly. WITH RESTRAINT.

Someday.
Not today. Nor tomorrow. Or the next 30.

My friend and I ... we're gonna do this. For ourselves. For our kids. For our lovers. But mostly...for ourselves.