Countdown Complete :)

I've been absent, bad blogger!

But with good reason! See that countdown thingy? It's complete. :) He's been here for a month now. It's been amazing!!! He is amazing. :)

He landed in Seattle last month. We spent 2 nights there, then came home, and went down to my mom's to pick up the kids. I worked like a crazy woman for about 3 weeks, then we took a road trip down to Ca.

We went to The Wedge, Huntington Beach, Malibu, Hollywood, Long Beach, stayed one night on the Queen Mary, went to the Aquarium of the Pacific, and then our last day was spent at Sea World. I got nice and toasty two times (Read: Hella sunburned). We took 2 days to drive home, rolled in about midnight on Sunday...exhausted to my very marrow.

Spent the day with the kids yesterday, ran some errands, and now I'm back to the grind today.

So...you see? Good reason. :)

♫♪ I woke up this morning with a big smile on my face....

and it doesn't feel out of place. ♪♫

The rest of the song doesn't really apply, but those first two lines do.

I have a story to share that will explain it all.

7 years ago today my life was turned upside down. Again.
You see...my angel boy was born. Against all odds, he was born. Small. Weak. Fragile. Fighting for his life. Every breath was pumped into his body by a machine.

He weighed less than 3 pounds. We found out a week later that he had bi-lateral Grade III IVH's. We also found out that he had N.E.C, which required emergency surgery. My little boy barely weighed 2 pounds at that point.

When I was 8 weeks pregnant...my body tried to abort him. There was a lot of blood, but he stayed strong. Then, at 18 weeks pregnant, my water broke. We rushed to the hospital, where they performed a myriad of tests. Their conclusion was to tell us to simply "go home and wait for the baby to die."

It was a fight for his life, but we prayed, and we prayed hard. I know I cried, and begged, and pleaded. I'm pretty sure I even attempted to bargain with God.

7 years later, I look back, and remember. I remember the pain that I felt in my heart. The fear that penetrated my every fiber. The anger that I felt towards people having healthy babies. I know it's ridiculous, but I did. I really felt so much anger.

But not anymore. Now, I have a handsome, intelligent, gifted, hilarious, train obsessed little boy. My heart overflows, much like my cup.

well that was a first. and a last in the making...

Today I had a manager come up to me, asking me if I'd had a conversation with a customer, which I had not. I asked why he thought it was me. The manager (F) explained that the customer described me.

Me: "Oh, did he use my name?"
F: "No. No name."
Me: "How do you know he was talking about me?"
F: "He said it was the tall blonde working the desk. Built [at this point F kinda made a cringe face] heavy set."
Me: "Oh. yep. That's me."


I didn't let on, but I wanted to die. And I'm not sure why, really. It's like, no hiding me. I'm fat. I get it.

But it's also the very first time that I've ever been aware of someone describing me as "heavy set".

It was a slap in the face. It was humiliating. It was embarrassing. It was depressing. It was motivating. It was inspiring. It was a kick in the ass.

Which I apparently needed.

I really don't know how to stop being this way...but I need to. I really do.

Why couldn't getting skinny be nearly as easy as getting fat was?

Job hunt

So I've been on the prowl. I really need another job, as I'm not making near enough money.

But it seems like you need to have a BA to do anything these days. It's like the corporate world is doing an ol' flip of the bird to all of us hard working experienced type of people.

"I'm sorry Ma'am. I know your resume would indicate that, for all intents and purposes, you are the most qualified person, but we're going to go for the snot nosed brat who just pulled out of college riding on mommy and daddy's money over you. Thanks for playing. Bu bye."

Now, I know that a lot of people work hard through college for their degrees. And I know that, when the time comes, I shall be one of them. But in the meantime...I'm busting my ass, trying to make enough money to buy my damn toilet paper.


Shit. One of these days I'm going to need a degree to wipe my ass with said toilet paper.

I'm not important.

I like to think some day I will be.

Important, that is. Some day. Preferably Sunday. But most likely some day.

Then I realized that....I am. Today is that day that I realize how important I am.

I am a mom. A life coach. An supporter to at least 4 (the kids and the boyfriend). I'm a daughter, and a sister. A granddaughter, an aunt.

I am so much more than "just a cashier".

&hearts